Sticks and stones may break my bones
But words will never hurt me.
Ah, the old childhood adage. We have said this hundreds of times. Our intentions were good. Perhaps we meant to help someone overcome a name calling incident. Whatever the case, this little rhyme is false. Words do hurt. Sometimes much more than sticks and stones ever could.
Wounds from sticks and stones will usually heal. Sometimes a heart broken by uncaring words will never heal. Young lives and personalities are shaped by the poor choice of words in the home.
What we are talking about here is criticism. The critic, one with a critical nature is always around. We have all dealt with them.
The root word of criticism is critic. This word comes from the Greek word kritikos meaning to judge. The critic judges and we most often associate it negatively. To express criticism is to find fault and this is often done with a mean unloving spirit.
The Dorothy Nolte poem begins “If a child lives with criticism, he learns to criticize.”
A researcher once concluded after many years of study, there are 4 danger signs in a marriage that could lead to divorce. One of the four is criticism. Be wary of developing a critical nature.
Words do hurt. Words can shape. Words are important. I recommend reading the 3rd chapter of James.
On the other hand words are a powerful source of encouragement. The word encourage comes from the Greek word paraklesis. The word para means by the side of, klesis comes from the word kaleo meaning to call. Thus the word paraklesis means a calling to one’s side.
Our words can be critical and damaging or they can be encouraging, i.e. giving courage.
May I suggest the following 7 “let us….” statements and the accompanying verses for meditation.
1. Let us remember that words, like a surgeon’s scalpel, can cut sharply. Thus let us choose our words with loving care in order that we may build up rather than tear down. Proverbs 12:18 – There is one who speaks like the piercings of a sword, But the tongue of the wise promotes health.
2. Let us focus on self evaluation rather than other’s faults. Luke 6:41 – And why do you look at the speck in your brother’s eye, but do not perceive the plank in your own eye?
3. Let us be slow to ridicule. Proverbs 11:12 – He who is devoid of wisdom despises his neighbor, But a man of understanding holds his peace.
4. Let us remember appearances can be deceiving. John 7:24 – Do not judge according to appearance, but judge with righteous judgment.
5. Let us be careful not to assume the worst. John 7:51 – Does our law judge a man before it hears him and knows what he is doing?
6. Let us be known as a people with a positive disposition. Ephesians 4:29 – Let no corrupt word proceed out of your mouth, but what is good for necessary edification, that it may impart grace to the hearers.
7. Let us be merciful in our speech as well as our actions. James 2: 12-13 – ¬So speak and so do as those who will be judged by the law of liberty. For judgment is without mercy to the one who has shown no mercy. Mercy triumphs over judgment.
With our words we have the power to destroy or build. We have the power to criticize or encourage. Our words reveal the thoughts and intents of our heart. They reveal who we are. Let us be mindful of the impact our words have on those around us.